Sunday, July 20, 2008

Nightmare on spanish oaks blvd.

Once upon a time in a far away kingdom there lived a fair maiden with big dreams to be a rock star…or chef to the stars…or maybe an actress portraying a rock star…or maybe just writing a really good poem about stars or something star related like the Hale-Bopp comet …or heck, she probably would have settled for discovering a star. But, as she grew older and older and more and more distracted with the mundane details of life like paying mortgages and trying to figure out what to make for dinner, her dreams grew more earth bound and she started to dream about someday being able to sleep for a solid eight hours.

Mia has a recurring nightmare about bugs in her bed. When she had her monsters under the bed phase I knew how to handle it and armed her with a bottle of monster spray (a.k.a. sweet pea body spray from Bath and Body Works because monsters HATE sweet smells). But, I have yet to find a defense against imaginary bugs. Every night she runs in to my room in a deranged kind of panic screaming about the bugs in her bed. Every night I calmly mumble that they aren’t bugs. Every night I take her by the hand and walk her back to her room, turn on the light and smooth out her sheets so that she can see that there were no bugs, just shadows and some mysterious crumbs that found their way up from the kitchen table. Every night I gently usher her back into bed and turn out the light and try to keep from falling out of her rocking chair as she falls back to sleep. Every night, 20 minutes later she is in my room again, this time getting her dad because she is sure that mom doesn’t know what she is talking about. Every morning we discuss her bug fixation and she looks at me like I’m speaking German and states “Mom, I like bugs.” Grrrrr……And apparently bugs are not afraid of monster spray. Mia says she has already tried that and I am an idiot for suggesting such a thing (ok, she didn’t say I was an idiot but her tone implied it.)


So, for now, the dream of a full night of sleep is on hold. But some day, you just wait. I will hide somewhere, perhaps the bath tub, and sleep ALL NIGHT LONG. Mark my words.

2 comments:

Amy said...

You should see if a different spray will scare off the bugs. That is funny that she only seems to be scared of bugs at night.

Kirkrocks said...

Maybe the answer to this problem is desensitization. They sell live ladybugs at The Home Depot. My backyard porch is literally *teeming* with daddy longlegs (although they have 8 legs, entomologists class them as insects. It's true! Look it up!) And I've never turned over a rock in a damp garden that wasn't a cornucopia of pillbugs. All are 100% harmless little wanderers that would make great sleepytime friends with Mia. This way, when she runs into the room screaming that "There are bugs in my bed!" you can simply say "I know, I put them there. Go back to sleep." Genius! When she finally convinces you to remove the real bugs, I'm betting the idea of imaginary ones doesn't even dawn on her.

Unless the whole thing gives her some sort of mental illness.

-Kirk