Saturday, March 27, 2010

My new friend Kip

I had a birthday a few weeks ago, so no whining that I haven't written, I'm an old lady now with arthritic hands so this takes a lot of effort. I've been on a stupid diet and exercise kick since then. Charlie bought me Wii Fit Plus for my birthday and I got a membership to weight watchers....because apparently we both hate me. So I am old AND unpleasant. Gosh, are you sure you want to read this? I may insult you because I can't have a brownie, so all of my brownie hormones have converted into yelling-at-random people hormones.

Since the blessed anniversary of my birth, every morning I turn on my stupid Wii and pull out my stupid balance board and say good morning to Kip. He is my cartoon personal trainer. I could have picked the chick one, but I may have called her names that I don't think my kids should over hear at their tender age. So, Kip....yep. He's my buddy. And I hate him. Stupid Kip. I named him Kip because he looks really perky and slightly effeminate. I'll bet he was a cheerleader in his computer animated high school. He tries really hard to be in my good graces, but then he says something dumb like "your balance is a little off, do you find that you trip a lot when walking across a room?" Then I have to let out a string of not so nice words at him, but he doesn't care. He just goes on to the next torturous yoga pose as if he is impervious to my pain and insults. But if I stop, he yells at me. Yesterday in the middle of the palm pose I had to leap off my balance board because Eliza was screaming at me that she had flipped over on her stomach and got stuck (this happens a lot and I usually just sit there and laugh at her....because I need a brownie). Anyway, I jumped over to grab her and Kip shouted, as if I was across the room in the kitchen eating a brownie "HEY! THOSE MUSCLES AREN'T GOING TO TONE THEMSELVES YOU KNOW!" So I jumped back on the balance board, scared that he would make me do more lunges if I didn't shape up. I don't like being yelled at.

So, in my old decrepit age, I am being bullied by an inanimate object. I'm not sure what that says about me. I could just not turn on my Wii, but then he would get all mad at me for not working out. And he would probably yell at me. And then I would cry. So for now, I just deal with it, but some day he is going to push me too far. Then I'll do something, I don't know what. I may...put the disk in the freezer....that'll teach him. Oh yeah Kip, you have it coming. Just keep pushing me.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Cute kids

Alright, you know how all kids are cute? Even the ones that are kind of funny looking are adorable in that E.T sort of way? Well, my kids are cute, dang it. But I will be the first to admit that they have had their less than glowing phases. Even little Eliza in her short three months has had a few less than stellar looks.

For example, she was born with male pattern baldness. Not completely new baby bald. Oh no, the only bald part was right in the front and center, the rest was almost 3 inches long, all around the perimeter.

You can see the hair in back sticking up like a mad scientist...tee hee. See, cute, even if it is funny.

I almost considered just buzzing the rest off and letting it all grow out together, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I just tried to camouflage it with a comb over. Yep, I had a little baby girl with a comb over. I also tried head bands, but they never stay put. Now the bald spot is just grown in enough that I have started to do things with her longer hair, like pigtails and stuff.

I actually mostly do this for my own amusement. I tried a mohawk, but that seriously didn't work since it only went to the middle of her head and the front just had that "new baby chick" fuzz. Maybe I'll try putting it in curlers and see what happens. (Can you tell I am not working right now? I need a hobby. Perhaps I should try knitting again to spare my kids from my boredom.)

I had a similar problem with Mia. When she was born, she had a mullet. A serious mullet. Plus, she had white hair, so she was like an albino baby with a mullet. It was pretty startling at first. But, I got used to it, and by the time she was about 18 months it all sort of worked itself out and now she has this gorgeous mane of golden shimmering hair that would make women in shampoo commercials seethe with jealousy. I don't have any pictures of her mullet on this particular computer, so she is going to be spared the embarrassment of those being published. But here is the lustrous current state of her hair.

So, when I see funny looking kids on the street or at the store, I just smile. Because I understand. It isn't their fault. Even if it isn't something like their hair, or being crossed eyed, it isn't their fault. It's probably because their mom dresses them funny or has no idea what to do with their hair. So, make fun of the parents if you must, it's all their doing, but spare the kids. They just do their best.