Saturday, March 27, 2010

My new friend Kip

I had a birthday a few weeks ago, so no whining that I haven't written, I'm an old lady now with arthritic hands so this takes a lot of effort. I've been on a stupid diet and exercise kick since then. Charlie bought me Wii Fit Plus for my birthday and I got a membership to weight watchers....because apparently we both hate me. So I am old AND unpleasant. Gosh, are you sure you want to read this? I may insult you because I can't have a brownie, so all of my brownie hormones have converted into yelling-at-random people hormones.

Since the blessed anniversary of my birth, every morning I turn on my stupid Wii and pull out my stupid balance board and say good morning to Kip. He is my cartoon personal trainer. I could have picked the chick one, but I may have called her names that I don't think my kids should over hear at their tender age. So, Kip....yep. He's my buddy. And I hate him. Stupid Kip. I named him Kip because he looks really perky and slightly effeminate. I'll bet he was a cheerleader in his computer animated high school. He tries really hard to be in my good graces, but then he says something dumb like "your balance is a little off, do you find that you trip a lot when walking across a room?" Then I have to let out a string of not so nice words at him, but he doesn't care. He just goes on to the next torturous yoga pose as if he is impervious to my pain and insults. But if I stop, he yells at me. Yesterday in the middle of the palm pose I had to leap off my balance board because Eliza was screaming at me that she had flipped over on her stomach and got stuck (this happens a lot and I usually just sit there and laugh at her....because I need a brownie). Anyway, I jumped over to grab her and Kip shouted, as if I was across the room in the kitchen eating a brownie "HEY! THOSE MUSCLES AREN'T GOING TO TONE THEMSELVES YOU KNOW!" So I jumped back on the balance board, scared that he would make me do more lunges if I didn't shape up. I don't like being yelled at.

So, in my old decrepit age, I am being bullied by an inanimate object. I'm not sure what that says about me. I could just not turn on my Wii, but then he would get all mad at me for not working out. And he would probably yell at me. And then I would cry. So for now, I just deal with it, but some day he is going to push me too far. Then I'll do something, I don't know what. I may...put the disk in the freezer....that'll teach him. Oh yeah Kip, you have it coming. Just keep pushing me.


Char said...

In my defense, Amy has been wanting a Wii Fit Plus for some time now. Thanks to Uncle Sam, she now has one. It is coincidence that it was her b-day. :P

Laura said...

Man, I wish we lived closer so I could get to know you better! You are such a fabulous writer and make both Mike and me chuckle. What makes me laugh is I know exactly how you feel! I'm on WW too ... and some weeks go much better than others. Hang in there. It's worth it! But man, those brownie cravings are awful!

Amy Hanosek said...

Oh come on Laura, my unexpected wit isn't enough to make you move across the country? Honestly:)

Pat said...

Breaking news, Amy!!!
Your brownie problem is over----
The Coca-Cola company just announced a new Diet Coke flavor called "Amy's Brownie flavored Diet Coke"! Now you can have the best of both worlds and enjoy life.
You are going to be famous!

Christy Marshall said...

Gee Amy, I wonder where you got the name Kip. Oh, the Belmont years!