"Vacation" Time

This weekend I get to go on another "vacation". Yippy. At least this time the soccer tournament is in St. George, so it will be a good 10 degrees warmer than here. Not exactly laying out by the pool weather, but beggars can't be choosers. This time I have schemed to leave Mia in Salt Lake to play with her cousins for three days instead of trying to entertain her in a foreign city while not spending any money. So this means I will get a lot of reading done. And maybe I could even go see a movie or two...by myself.

I actually don't mind seeing movies by myself. I mean, you can't really have a conversation with someone else during a movie anyway, but it is kind of creepy to see someone sitting alone in the dark glow of a movie theater. So here are my tips on attending a movie by yourself without having security escort you out.

1. Try to go to a crowded movie, then no one will even notice you're alone.

2. If you end up in a deserted theater, put your coat on the seat next to you so people think your date just went to the bathroom...and then ditched you, then they will pity instead of suspicion.

3. For heaven's sake, do not go to a kid's movie alone, ever.

4. Show up after the previews have started, then it is a little bit darker and most people aren't paying attention anyway. And then leave the minute the movie ends, don't wait for credits and make sure you sit on an aisle so you aren't sprinting over old ladies and their giant purses in the dark.

5. If you accidently arrive early, keep checking your watch and looking around you, then people will assume you are waiting for someone again, and that you got ditched. Which is pathetic, but again will not creep people out.

6. Rent a movie and stay home, theaters and kind of sticky and gross anyway.

So there you go, you can go see whatever movie you want without having to wait for someone to consent to go with you. You could go the more risky route of taking a dummy with you, or piling a bunch of paraphanelia in the seat next to you and talking to it like it is a really short person, but that takes a lot of practice, so that isn't really something I would recommend for novices.