Signs of a stroke?

I think my brain has finally broke. I have a secret addiction and I am so ashamed to admit it I can only talk about it here...on the internet where only my closest friends will read it. I've started to do crafts.


I blame this.

Apparently the postpartum hormone swing has lead me to glue gun abuse. And spray adhesive...that stuff is awesome. How come no one ever told me about it's magical powers? I almost feel the same way about it as I do my Shark steam cleaner, I practically get giddy when it's time to clean my faucets and I get to spray all the gross gunk out from under the tap and watch it fly all over the mirror...Sorry. I'll try to focus.

So, this new obsession is alarming on many levels. When Charlie came home from work to find me covering old diaper boxes with fabric and ribbons he immediately started calling a neighbor to watch our kids so that he could take me to the emergency room for my obvious mental breakdown. But, I explained to him that I was NOT crafting. I was simply getting around to decorating the house (yes, we've lived here over 4 years, what's your point?) since the magic decorating fairies were obviously not ever going to show up. (I'm calling their union rep.) This got him to put the phone and his car keys down, but he still eyes me suspiciously whenever he sees me attempting to make a roses out of bits of ribbon I find in the girls room as I clean.

Now here's my problem. I have no clue what I'm doing. It's like I skipped the multiplication table of the crafting world and skipped straight to mod podge algebra. So I need lots of advice. For Valentines day I have issued Charlie a challenge: Only homemade gifts, and only spend 10 bucks. Since the medical bills of our past couple months have started pouring out of our mail box I decided this was a reasonable challenge for us...well for me anyway since I have Pinterest. He has no clue what to do.

So, here's what I want to do. Decorate my bedroom (Yes the walls are still bare after years of being here, lay off man.) I want to frame sayings that are meaningful to us and hang them artfully above the bed. I know what those of you who know me well are thinking and no, I'm not a pod person, there are mushy sayings like "Eye you(that's how Mia used to say I love you and Charlie still uses it on a daily basis) but there are other sayings like "So's your face" which is an integral part of our ongoing courtship. The good news is that I do have a bunch of frames laying around empty because for some reason Charlie's students keep giving him them as end of year gifts, I guess a lot of mom's figure it's the only male-teacher-appropriate gift in their teacher-gift arsenal.

OK, so how do I go about this? Is there a computer program that makes pretty things? Do I go find scrapbook paper (and where would I find such a thing?...stop laughing, I told you I have no idea what I'm doing.) What other ideas can I incorporate? And where does one get vinyl sayings to put on the wall? And how does one put it on the wall?

Maybe I'll just make him a cell phone charging station out of an old lotion bottle.