Monday, November 17, 2008

Things that freak me out

Now, most of you know that I am not easily fazed. Any sort of medical trauma of blood spurting merely causes a raised eyebrow. The threat of impending doom by various terrorists? It's hard to take personally so I've just accepted the fact that it may happen, and I can't stop it so why worry. But there are some things that just shouldn't be allowed. And here is my list of them.

1. Clowns. They are the embodiment of evil and doom. Their creepy exaggerated smiles are a front to hide the dark and insidious soulless creatures that they really are.

2. The power of Oprah. Why does everyone listen to her? I don't understand why she gets to decide what everyone buys, eats, thinks, and worships. The power she wields sends shivers down my spine.

3. Christopher Walkin. if you need a reason search for the Weapon of Choice video on youtube.

4. Seafood. I don't understand the appeal of eating sea creatures that resemble grotesque insects on steroids? Why is it ok to eat a lobster but not a scorpion? THEY ARE THE SAME THING.

5. Drunk naked guys. I was attacked by one once while working in the ER, but that is a story for another post.

6. Those housewives who drive minivans with little vinyl pictures of their entire family,sometimes including their dog, on their back window. What is the point of this? We know you have a large family, hence the minivan. Why the need to publicize the number and age of your children? if the dog dies do you remove his picture and replace it with whatever your replacement pet is? Sitting behind these cars at traffic lights gives me a lot of stress, because I don't understand it, so I naturally fear it.

7. Carrot Top. Why is he allowed?

7 comments:

wendy said...

amy you are a super freak

Amy Hanosek said...

Dang straight

bonnie jack said...

i hate those little vinyl families, too. and thanks, i'll never be able to eat lobster now. :)

Kristin said...

I am with you my friend!!! Oprah is trying to take over the world, kind of like Pinky and The Brain. And Carrot Top could be included with the clowns, he instills great fear in me.

Kirk said...

Carrot Top is a clown. In fact, I'm convinced that he's the dark prince of clowns. He needs no make-up because his face naturally sports a hideous, exaggerated smile.

Didn't the bible say something about not worshiping false idols or creating something that draws attention away from the lord? Someone should mention this to Oprah, right before we stone her.

Christopher Walken may be creepy, but that's his appeal. Some people need to be creepy, or the world would be unable to truly appreciate those who aren't so creepy.

I would eat a scorpion if it was larger, meatier, broiled to perfection and served with butter sauce. And it must be de-stingered.

I plead the fifth on the drunk naked guy thing.

It's funny, because I was thinking about those little vinyl stick figure window thingies the other day. I was equating them to some sick sort of advertizing. If you are so proud of your fertile reproductive systems that you must show it off, you need therapy.

That's just my two cents.

-Kirk

Happy-Hardings said...

The unmarked police vehicles in our city have those vinyl families on the back. It makes me laugh.

Christy Marshall said...

Amen on the list!
Christy