Love song for Macey's

I do have my share of happy places. I love my circle couch, sitting there with a remote (or novel, because I'm well rounded) and a diet coke is pretty much my version of bliss. Also, I have made it a habit to hang out at Macey's, my local grocery store. Yes, I know, grocery stores are not known for their relaxing amenities, but bear with me, it makes sense in a round about Amy-has-a-unique-albeit-skewed-outlook. (albeit is an interesting word....I'm going to have to use it more.)

Here is the play by play: First, you go in, you coral your 4 year old into a grocery cart so she can't run around and drive you crazy, and you put your infant in a front carrier because then she falls asleep and you can just pretend you have a horribly misshapen growth on your chest and ignore her. You take a deep relaxing breath and proceed into the store.

There, you are visually assaulted by "The Wall of Bargains", but in a good way. Chocolate covered pretzels, four for five dollars? Brilliant! Hunts spaghetti sauce for 1.09? Don't mind if I do. You leisurely work your way through the displays of consumable wonders and notice that you are working up a thirst. Just when it seems palpable, you wander smack into the Deli section and gaze longingly at all things deep fried. The deli wins a place in my heart because it houses a magical fountain drink dispenser. So, of course you mosey over and help yourself to a diet coke (you also may need to get a drink for the child in your grocery cart, depending on her noise level.) But, if drinks aren't her thing, never fear, because the Bakery is next, and the wonderful bakers in their baking aprons will give your child a cookie, because Bakers are like the Santa Claus's of pastry and cute kids get what they want. While you sip your beverage and your cart-caged child eats her cookie, you can stare in amazement at the cake being decorated by the woman in the glass-enclosed cake decorating area. (Mia can watch her for hours...I wonder if she feels like a zoo animal because I sometimes get the urge to throw treats at her for her performance. Maybe she would rather be thought of as a street busker and have me throw change into her white baking hat, I'll have to try that line of thinking next time.) Then you walk past the donuts and play the "What would I eat if I didn't have to lose 30 pounds" game.

And this is just the first corner of the store. At Macey's wonders await you around ever corner! Visit Tim the produce dude and get his advice on pineapple selecting. Sample ladies and candy bar displays lurk around every corner, like the proverbial trench coat wearing alley loiterer...except friendly and safe. Yep...this is one of my happy places and I am not ashamed any more. After all, don't people always say that happiness is where you find it (I never really seem to get platitudes right so feel free to correct that if you must.)

You owe me big time Jake.

I have had to add a few things to my list of stuff that has made me lose my faith in humanity. Now, along with Oprah, Celine Dion, and techno remixes (why oh why must they go on for so long and be so repetitive??? Who enjoys that? It's like being pounded over the head with a drum machine.) Last night I had to add the Bachelor to my list.

I watched this juggernaut of a show in it's first season, when it was a novel idea, finding love on national television? How on earth will that pan out? But now we all know, it doesn't. No way, no how. So why is this show still on? How have they managed to find women who are willing to pretend that they think that finding the love of their lives equates dressing in skanky cocktail dresses and fighting over some rose happy guy who is willing to go on national and make out with 20 women to find the love of HIS life...honestly, there aren't this many stupid people in the world, are there? Oh and last night I made a drinking game out of it (I couldn't find the remote, hence my being subjected to this show). Every time some idiot woman talks about having a "connection" with Jake (the current Bachelor) you take a shot of the beverage of your choice. I drank protein water because I am trying to lay off the hard stuff (diet coke). Also, every time Jake cries because he has to send someone home. Has he not ever seen the show before? Why is this taking him by surprise? IF he is really there to find his true love he should be thrilled to whittle the pool of bimbos down to one so that he has found her. Come on. Quit your bawlin' pretty boy.

So, after last night I am banned from watching that show. Apparently Jake the pilot + protein water makes me a little bit violent. Charlie was afraid I would throw some projectile through his pretty new TV and removed all hard objects from my reach. And also, apparently the rage that show has created within me has made me tense my muscles in my back and today I cannot stand up straight or lift my 12 pound baby up without tears of wretched pain springing forth. Stupid Bachelor.