Suart Little must die

So, here’s what happened. I went to Mia’s Wednesday Morning Movie (where they play a dumb kids movie you really really don’t want to watch but you do it anyway because it occupies your child for at least an hour and fifteen minutes) and they were playing Stuart Little. It was horrifying. I avoid movies where animals talk and have facial expressions as a rule. It’s just too creepy. Add to that a possessed cat and as many over used platitudes you can stuff in a kids movie and you just have 80 minutes of pure psychological torture. For me. Mia loved it. Kids are dumb. To make things worse I dragged Charles along today because he had the day off (Woohooo! Summer!) and I told him it would be “fun”. Now we are having trust issues.

To make up for killing some of Charlie’s brain cells I cleaned the house from top to bottom when we got home. I know a lot of you are saying to your computer “Amy, how does scrubbing your bathroom floor relate to forcing your sweet husband to Guantanemo Bay type torture in the name of family togetherness?” And I have an answer for you because I know on a surface level it’s just a silly idea. But if you dig a little deeper and spend some time with my husband you will understand that he is a clutterphobe. I myself am irritated by useless objects that lay around my home, but he outshines me my far. But here’s the other thing. He hates to throw things away. I know, your wondering how I can handle such a delicate combination of crazy. Well, I have figured out that the perfect solution is to wait until he is in the bathroom and then I throw piles of stuff away. He comes out and sees nothing but gleaming countertops and thinks “Wow! I know that there was stuff there before, but it is now gone of it’s own volition back to it’s place of origin.” (Because sometimes boys are dumb like kids).

I know I am outing my secret cleaning strategies because Charlie reads this blog every once in a while. But I feel better. I have shared the pain instilled by Stuart Little, and I have confessed a dark secret in one fell swoop.